I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
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Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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