Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
