Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
