How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
