were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
