I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
