i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
