Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
