my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
