It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
