two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize