After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
