They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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