How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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