It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
