thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
