She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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