moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
