3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize