My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
