okay pat passed out under dana's car
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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