I heard we made out
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
