Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
