This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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