Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
