Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
