he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
