So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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