i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
