Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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