I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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