One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
