She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.