My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other