I am spending my child support on dildos
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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