So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
