Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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