I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
