he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
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Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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