just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
