The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
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In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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