Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If I die, sorry about rent.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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