Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
