Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
