dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
