It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Less talking, more tequila
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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