I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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