and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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