I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
