summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
