You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
