we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
