I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
