i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
