so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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