sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
