Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
