I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
