just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
