I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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