Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
