Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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