how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Of course I have a pirate flag
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
